Why the KJV Should Be Burnt First in the Event of a Socialist Takeover of America

Many people are worried that the United States is in a rapid free fall towards socialism. The media says that Joe Biden is a moderate, so these people are obviously wrong. In any case, all Christians are known for their irrational behaviors, such as prepping. Storing months worth of food at a time is not logical, because you can just go to the store and buy food, just like you can go get money from an ATM. This is obvious for the scientifically minded. It’s unfortunate that we are bound to the white construct of having food and money, but that’s the racist world we live in. One day we can hope to live in a perfect socialist society where we don’t have to work (white supremacy) and we can just order food to our door from our iPhone via Doordash. Capitalists just don’t understand how the world works because they are too busy contributing to the patriarchal structure of laboring and raising a family.

My audience happens to be anti-science fundamentalists, however, so I thought I would prepare them for the situation where we need to burn our books for warmth. Most people think that the book burning under a socialist regime is entirely ideological, and they are wrong. It is also a practical way to stay warm for a few minutes. Rather than start with invaluable works such as “Woke Church” and “Stamped from the Beginning,” I suggest that we start with our Bibles. Specifically the King James Bible. We want to save our most important works for last.

In the event of a socialist takeover, we want to ensure that all of our ESV’s survive. Except for the 2016 permanent edition. We only want Bibles that aren’t permanent to survive. In addition to this important foundation, we need to take into account that the average adult has a fourth grade reading level, and we want our Bibles to be readable. The KJV is basically written in Latin, and it isn’t changing, so that is two strikes against it. Finally, and the most important reason, nobody who will live in comfort in the academic class reads the KJV, and we want them to stay spiritually fed while they continue to make new Bibles during the socialist decline. If we burn all the ESVs, there will be nothing for them to mount as a trophy on their wall to show that they did something for us. We have to make sure our textual scholars stay encouraged while we stand in the bread lines.

The socialist takeover of America will be difficult for most of us, but I see it as a great opportunity to get rid of the KJV once and for all.